UNtitled 4

25 January 2008

Sun rises.

“You fall asleep yesterday?” I texted.

“Yes dear, sorry I didn’t pick up. Sorry I love you” he replied

“Nevermind, its ok…” I texted

“Thank you, I love you” he replied

“I miss you” I texted again

“I miss you too” he replied

And we stop at there…

4:12pm

God I cant wait to get out of the office,

Yet im paranoid of going back home.

What can I do at home?

It is lonely at home.

It is so quiet at home.

If only my dog speaks and not let me talk to her like as if im a complete loser.

How to kill time?

IM AFRAID of WATCHING TV

Ive been watching tv for the whole night for the past four days!

Its driving me crazy!

No one is available to dial. Forget about my female friends.. Sure to be working and having her own relationship problem.

My good friend? His prolly still cutting vege or heating up the pan.

My bf? Most likely he cant make it to meet me either…

GAWD! Sat ill be cycling with my collegue and prolly meet him by 8 or 9 to eat and ZZ and Sunday I will have to work full day..

Y cant I spend my weekends with him!

4:17pm

Aight. Im outta here.

UNtitled 3

24 January 2008

Today has been the 3rd night I sleep alone on my bed. The feeling of finally having a tiny bed all to myself is - good. I smiled contentedly to myself, sweeping my bed with my ‘garbage angle’ moves while my dog stared at me with raised brows.

Her eyes revealed my feelings from deep within - Bored, lonely and i cant help but repeat myself, bored.

I fumbled around my bed, searching for the slightest whiff of his existence. But to no avail. I lay on my bed, listening to the whooming sound of my fan, as though the flannels of the fan is about to fly out like a blades of a blending machine. That might be a way to die, but I’m not letting that happen to me.

Arhh..Cant help but start imagining. Yes I have nothing better to do.

Where is my pillow where I can lie on his arm the whole night?

Where is my big bolster that I can hug, snuggle and smell?

Where is my lullaby snore that drift me to sleep every other nights?

To think of it.. why never I realize that my fan is making such loud noise whenever he sleep over? Haha

“I miss you” I texted

Incoming message “I miss you too”

“I miss you” I texted again

Incoming message “im sorry dear, I will call you”

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Untitled 2

11 Jan

.

I lost my motivation to wake up today

As if im losing something

And I tot to myself now…why is it so difficult for you to apologise

And again I also think… is this worth to be angry over this matter.

No its not anger that I feel. Its t more like it to be disappointment.

I have a double disappointment yesterday. I think that is upsetting enough already. I understand you have a lot of work.. but pls dun give me false hope. At this point of time I dun see any variable reason for you to be angry. For I felt I am in a much better position to get all upset with you.

Yes you wanted to meet me when you got the time and plan it at 7. I couldn’t make it at city hall then.. cuz im at home at only at 6.30. You said you cannot make it to make my specs and requested just for dinner.. I was a little sad that I cant get my specs done with you for the fourth time .. but im fine just a dinner after 8.30pm.. I was famished by then.. I was all dressed up.. sitting in my house waiting. . only to pick your call at 9pm telling me youre not going for dinner with me.. I got upset. I wonder y I dress up for you. .. how stupid I was to listen to you. Dress nice for you is wat you said yesterday..i did. But you didn’t comply to your promise (bring me to make specs and have dinner) I wonder y I was so stupid.

You really enjoy making me wait like a fool.

All these happen and you dun initiate to apologise.

I have to ask for an apology from you instead.

I sniffled, finding the whole incident so ridiculous.

Yes I thought to myself. Maybe I should just as well be very busy with all my own schedules. Y should I care about you? Y should I WASTE my time WAITING FOR YOU? Do I still have to carry on making a fool of myself. Revolving my life around you and you can just look for me whenever you have the time?

But y cant I do it? Ive been complaining to myself so many times already. Telling myself to make my own life more entertaining and busy, in fact MORE BUSY than you.

Y in the end I still WAIT FOR YOU?

Maybe im too childish. To get all upset and stuff about what you did. About your ego and yoru busy-ness

Maybe I should just take a break from you…

Ill talk to you again when I feel I no longer have so much feeling for you.

So that I will be numb to your busy-ness and your constant break of promises and no manners and respect towards me.

untitled 1

10^th January 2008

Dear,

I am sorry I did not pick up your call this morning.

I am unhappy with you.

I was struggling with myself…

How will you feel if I am busy and hung up the phone even without saying a ‘I love you’ or a polite ‘goodbye’ ? for the 6^th time? I call you because I really miss you.. yet all I get is a hung up tone at the end.

How will you feel if I say I will call you later and never did as promised? I lost count on how many times it has happened…

How will you feel when you get upset with the above problems and all I ask is ‘Whats wrong with you?’ with no trace of pity, yet get agitated and annoyed with you and all the fuss you made ALL THE TIME?

Y can’t you just wrap me in your arms and ask me what is upsetting or hurting me?

Y can’t you just spend 1 second more to tell me ‘I love you’ or a ‘goodbye’ at the end of the call? That could have complete my day even if you can’t meet me that nite…

Not that I always want to make a fuss…but yet again I have to remind you..its all the small little things that woman pay attention to..

I am glad you kiss me and say ‘I love you’ when you wake up. I no longer feel upset right in the morning. It was so much better than waking up seeing you rushing off without any kiss or hug, leaving me feel all abandoned and lost with no tender loving and care…

I am very happy that I get to see you almost everyday, whenever you can make it for a after 8pm dinner with me, I gain loads of weight.. but im still happy you made your way down just to meet me…

I understand that you are very busy. I support that a man should always be hardworking. I try my best not to complain for this is what I have to learn.