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11 Jan

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I lost my motivation to wake up today

As if im losing something

And I tot to myself now…why is it so difficult for you to apologise

And again I also think… is this worth to be angry over this matter.

No its not anger that I feel. Its t more like it to be disappointment.

I have a double disappointment yesterday. I think that is upsetting enough already. I understand you have a lot of work.. but pls dun give me false hope. At this point of time I dun see any variable reason for you to be angry. For I felt I am in a much better position to get all upset with you.

Yes you wanted to meet me when you got the time and plan it at 7. I couldn’t make it at city hall then.. cuz im at home at only at 6.30. You said you cannot make it to make my specs and requested just for dinner.. I was a little sad that I cant get my specs done with you for the fourth time .. but im fine just a dinner after 8.30pm.. I was famished by then.. I was all dressed up.. sitting in my house waiting. . only to pick your call at 9pm telling me youre not going for dinner with me.. I got upset. I wonder y I dress up for you. .. how stupid I was to listen to you. Dress nice for you is wat you said yesterday..i did. But you didn’t comply to your promise (bring me to make specs and have dinner) I wonder y I was so stupid.

You really enjoy making me wait like a fool.

All these happen and you dun initiate to apologise.

I have to ask for an apology from you instead.

I sniffled, finding the whole incident so ridiculous.

Yes I thought to myself. Maybe I should just as well be very busy with all my own schedules. Y should I care about you? Y should I WASTE my time WAITING FOR YOU? Do I still have to carry on making a fool of myself. Revolving my life around you and you can just look for me whenever you have the time?

But y cant I do it? Ive been complaining to myself so many times already. Telling myself to make my own life more entertaining and busy, in fact MORE BUSY than you.

Y in the end I still WAIT FOR YOU?

Maybe im too childish. To get all upset and stuff about what you did. About your ego and yoru busy-ness

Maybe I should just take a break from you…

Ill talk to you again when I feel I no longer have so much feeling for you.

So that I will be numb to your busy-ness and your constant break of promises and no manners and respect towards me.